Gretchen Goes to Haiti

Family and all that

2011-03-29T08:23:00.000-07:00

I took some vacation time to go home and help my grandfather celebrate his 94th birthday. Huzzah! Going home, like for most people, can be difficult. There have been happenings and dynamics on that side of the family, in particular, that make it easy to embrace living about 400 miles away from the crew, and I'm sure that the distance, not just for me, but for two others, is what makes it all the more concentrated and difficult.

Given that our family's main language of love is presence, and given the advanced age of Poppop, it still seemed important to go home, so home I went. And I was really glad and surprised to be so. Difficulties weren't there, at least not in the ways I was expecting. Outside of Poppop obviously not feeling his best (it turned out he has the flu), it really was fun to connect with family members.

I also saw Grandma, and that was a bit of a shock. She's always been this fiercely independent woman, who now is suffering from dementia and isn't able to walk on her own or talk on her own. It was truly good to be able to go out and see her, and have her remember me, as well as being on hand to help Mom with cleaning out Grandma's Assisted Care room and all the emotions of the day.

I really felt like crying when I was getting ready to get on the train back to Boston. I love my family, but it was truly hard to separate myself from them. I haven't felt that in a long time, and for that I'm grateful.

Upping the Ante

2011-03-04T08:49:00.000-08:00

Small group's been going, well, going. We've had a lot of good conversations around money and poverty and loving the poor through our lifestyles and our choices. We've knit and crocheted (or tried to knit and crochet) for homeless teens in Somerville and Cambridge. And we're starting to plan our trip to Haiti in earnest.

Here's what I'm finding out about myself:

I know a lot less about all of this stuff than I thought or imagined.
It's HAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDDDD to put the warm, fuzzy ideas of how to live more in line with these thoughts and teachings. That goes hand in hand with my desire for there to be a magic button for me to push and all of my personal life's difficulties, perceived or true, to make everything right.
There are people far more motivated than me in my small group who continuously kick my butt in terms of how long, how deep and how broad they've already been thinking about these issues, and what they've done in response. And it's hard to stay a step or two ahead of them in terms of prep and leading. And that can be hard to come to terms with.
I'm being shown a lot of grace by said people. For the first time in a while, I feel like I'm in a group of "equals", in that we're all kicking each other's butt and pushing each other toward bigger and better things.

And they showed me lots o' love on Tuesday (my, cough, cough, 41st birthday). I was having a sorta crappy day/week, and they turned it into a low-key love fest. Since birthdays are hugely important to me, and I was feeling all sorts of put-out that I had to work and lead a small group, their love for me in those 2 hours really soothed my soul in a huge way.

We're ending our discussions and time with Lazarus at the Gate soon. We've been researching organizations that do all sorts of work, and forming a good blueprint in terms of what to think about. Again, butt being kicked, but I feel like that's a very helpful thing. I'm liking the framework others are setting up in terms of how to do research and what to look for. I need to redo my own research, but am grateful for all the growing that's happening. Soon we'll be on to trip planning and Heroic Leadership-ing.

Awesome...

A Big Hmmmmm...

2010-12-02T11:53:00.000-08:00

So, we have some attrition in our group. I think a couple of people were "iffy" anyway, but one other person- someone who was very key to a number of people joining - opted out. Whether that's a permanent opting-out of our group or just for now remains to be seen. I wasn't there and am playing catch-up.

Budgets have been really tough to discuss. It's taken us 4 weeks to get everybody to think and share about how they're spending money, with all sorts of drama both hidden and open spilling out. O me of naivete! My coleader called that one, but I don't know that either one of us were prepared for how it all came out. The opting out seems at least in part due to this stuff, and of course, there are all sorts of anxieties and fears. One thing Mako pointed out to those who were in training was that salary and finances are incredibly personal things. Having grown up in the 80's where "greed was good", it seems hard to believe that there still aren't some vestiges of bragging rites over how much you make, but then again, different times, different people, etc.

What was encouraging for me was to hear the stories behind the money stories: of where the lightbulbs of family background went off when we looked at our current budget; to hear of people making mistakes not unlike my own; and to hear stories of provision. The whole purpose is for us to love one another and draw close to God, and my bigger hope is that God would set us free so that we can be generous with others. May there be healing in what we shared and freedom.

Love, grace and identity

2010-11-10T05:00:00.000-08:00

We had taken a break in our group last week. One woman was preparing for a relative's funeral (one who shouldn't have died); a man had suffered the deaths of two friends in the space of a week; another woman's coworker just discovered her daughter had the most aggressive form of leukemia there is and would be facing over a year in chemo, with little guarantee of a successful outcome.

Others brought heavy hearts over other stuff happening in their lives. So we took a breath and prayed and worshipped, setting aside the agenda for the evening.

This week, others were sick, others didn't show, and we were left with three. We've been delaying our budget conversation so that all could be there, and we could expose this often very private part of our lives to everyone, and experience grace. The three of us motored on, and were touched, saddened and encouraged by God's work in our lives despite bad decisions, even worse circumstances, and whatever the economy and the enemy had to throw at us.

I came home and decided to watch at least a part of Glee. The main storyline was about Kurt, an openly gay student, and the hardship he faces due to bullying. Yet the story ballooned out, and before I knew it, it was about how we all yearn for love and acceptance. Kurt is stunned by an unexpected kiss at one point; he says, "I've never been kissed; not, at least, on purpose like that." Another character spoke of the loneliness of following the path she felt she was uniquely gifted to go on, yet how challenging it was to find a man to share her journey.

Each story, ours in the group included, had someone who came alongside the character, offering hope, encouragement, and, beyond all else, connection.

Above all else, those are things I really long for in my own life, and in our group. May it be so...

And there it is...

2010-10-27T08:07:00.000-07:00

We met again last night (as Tuesday night-meeting groups tend to do). I wasn't sure how this week was going to go, since we were having a money/budget talk. Things tend to get touchy when you go into the realm of finances, as has been told to me by several people in advance of this week. And since we were missing people last week, I wasn't sure if we'd be playing to a full-ish house or if we were already experiencing attrition that would continue until it was just Sheila and me holding the tatters of what was once a promising group.

But then, people showed up: the faithful core I was sure would come. And, later, those I thought had given up on us. What was even more amazing was what some members were going through and STILL they came. One member had a friend who was literally on her deathbed (he got the call that they were about to take her off lifesupport that night). Another had a family member shot and killed over the weekend. And I had my first first-hand experience of being with people who could give me insights into the differences between what TV reports as news and what real life looks like. No easy answers, just a lot of pain, and a better glimpse at issues I've only dealt with in passing. It truly felt sacred, in that God was there and He was opening my eyes and our hearts to step into that gap of being with our friends and praying through something that was truly foreign to many of us and our experience. A foretaste, I think, of the journey to come.

One of the words I heard from God when Sheila and I were initially praying for this group was "Band of Brothers" (like the HBO miniseries by Stephen Spielberg and Tom Hanks). They bonded over and through battles and being with each other in the midst of whatever was flung their way.

The challenge and invitation is to step in and not draw back, and to be present, truly present.

May it be so...

Peace...

2010-10-21T11:07:00.000-07:00

Life has been amazing recently. We had a big weekend for choir and vocal core, and I was leading the rehearsals and (technically) the performances on Sunday. I can get pretty frazzled about that, but it felt challenging yet good at the same time.

There have been some scheduling pileups as well, with no way of getting everything done and done well. Dinners, cat-sitting, and (today) counseling while catsitting and not having my Zipcard....and yet, I've been pretty calm, not fretful when I would normally be that way, not resentful when people don't come through as I want or need or expect them to, and even a bit happy and compassionate in the process. WTF?!?!?

I think someone's praying for me...

And my small group is. Someone's word for me this week was that Joy, peace and love were my inheritance. Word...

Frosty the Snowman...

2010-10-21T10:59:00.000-07:00

So, it was my turn to be prayed for in terms of a superhero identity this past week. Hurrah! Since it was such a great week last week, I really expected the moon. We were missing some folks, though, and it seemed everyone (including me) was fighting something- distractions for sure. What struck me was Sheila's picture for me, which was Frosty the Snowman. Her sense was that God was saying that, like Frosty, there was something in me that made me approachable (I'm guessing a jolly, happy soul), and that, also like Frosty, I was adaptable regardless of the format. Makes me giggly to think that so far God has called me out as a cartoon character (Jolly Green Giant being the other one) in terms of a superhero, and that both are happy and big, one way or another.

We started the Lazarus material as well, and I felt like I was talking in circles. Probably was. We had some good sharing about our money stories, and it was great to hear people's miracle stories as well- Chacha getting a reduced payment on her loans because she's supporting 9 people in the DR and Haiti; Manny and his "lottery ticket" gifting; and Sara with her odd job blessing that's helping her make ends meet. Sheila warned me before we started that this can be a particularly tricky subject for people to talk about, and I'm definitely feeling it to be true for me. We'll see how people do in the coming weeks.

It's still fun, and now we're getting into the hard stuff.

Supernatural Heroes

2010-10-13T05:47:00.000-07:00

Week 4: we found an old poster that Kids' Church made. It's of a "Supergirl", with the title, "Supernatural Heroes!" We're SO adopting that for our group.

10 people showed up. 10! It's been years since I've been part of a group that big! Not that size matters, but it's one of many things telling us that what we're doing is something important and something that other people want to sign on for. Chacha recruited most of the group from the Haiti Team, but it's also cool to see how they're trying to set time aside to do this (two are coming straight from a Zumba class).

We continued to pray about each other's superhero identity, and more fun stuff is coming up. Really deep revelations about people and how God sees them. What's even better is the depth of what's being shared, as well as the "confirmation" of it through multiple people having similar senses of what God is saying about that person. There's a strong sense of God in each meeting so far, and I felt my own spiritual butt get kicked a bit as Manny shared what God's been doing in him in general, something along the lines of I have so much more to be vulnerable to God in order to do some of the hard-core stuff He may be calling me to (but for sure is inviting others into). Some new nicknames: The Compassionator; Flash; Oak Tree/Rainbow; Torch/Firefly...

We have two more to pray for, and we're starting the "Lazarus at the Gate" materials, too. I'm really excited!

Three weeks and all is well

2010-10-07T07:45:00.000-07:00

It sounds cliche but it's been really fun and exciting to see the small group take off. It's not growing astronomically, numbers-wise, but I'm having fun each time I talk with Sheila and we ponder the shape of things.

We wanted to frame the small group around two things specifically: the Boston Faith and Justice Network's curriculum, Lazarus at the Gate, which takes a 12-week look at wealth being a blessing, and how we can order our lives to free up resources to bless others. It's not meant to make anyone feel guilty about how much they have, but it provides a vehicle through which we can see what else we can do in order to be a blessing to others and seek economic justice.

The other pole was a trip to Haiti. Helping our church establish a meaningful connection to Haiti is something I've been working on for a few years now. As a church, we also want to partner with friends in Liberia and the Middle East. What we've noticed is we have high-faith opportunities for trips, but nothing for people just getting their feet wet. The trip we'll take is with Beyond Borders, which focuses on community-development issues (not just poverty-reduction, but overarching social issues). They sponsor Transformational Travel, which is an invitation to live among the community for an extended time and "sit and see" what poverty looks like, encouraging relationships, and seeing before acting.

Overall, we're setting this in the context of Heroic Leadership, a book by Chris Lowney, a former Jesuit priest who wrote about the leadership principles of the Jesuits and how they can translate into successful ventures today.

An odd mix of things, but it's been pretty fun and eye-opening. We spent time this week asking God about each of our heroic identities. So far, we've got a Freedom Fighter, Dragon Slayer, and a Captain. Three more are up to bat this coming Tuesday, and I'm excited to see what else God puts in our midst.

GAH!

2010-09-15T08:49:00.000-07:00

The older I get, the less GAH moments there are for me to experience. YET, I'm always having to bite my tongue because there's ALWAYS something that comes up, out from left field and behind the Green Monster (so to speak).

I led worship for the Leaders' meeting a few Saturdays ago. That doesn't sound so intimidating, but I was asked the night before, and I've never done it on my own, and haven't played keyboard in about a month, so...GAH! I'm still working out singing and playing at the same time. I still feel like a third string player on a roster of A-listers in terms of the talent we've got musically in our church. And, yes, I get performance anxiety. No matter how much is said about vulnerability in worship, and just making a joyful noise, I'm still aware that I'm in the midst of people who have professional-level skills and training, and here am I in the midst of them.

Dave did talk about going to a worship leaders' gathering in Zurich and talked about how powerful worship was, as it was coming out of a place of firm faith in the midst of incredibly challenging circumstances. It reminded me of my last year in Poland, when in the midst of all the family chaos and strife, and having to make difficult decisions, I still had to lead worship for our church. It was more about choosing to believe God was all the things I was singing about and standing in that, and it was pretty powerful for me (and, I later heard from those in the church, for them as well).

I'm still working on not feeling like I always have to pretend to have it all together, both in worship leading as well as in most things I do. This season seems to be about feeling the strength of God as I do things I'm not always comfortable with, or stepping off the ledge (like in Indiana Jones) and trusting that there's a walkway underneath me to carry me over.

And we've launched

2010-09-15T08:46:00.000-07:00

New small group started last night. We're going to explore global poverty, our lifestyles, our talents, our "superhero" identities and how it can all work together to befriend and mutually help people in Haiti. Sheila did a great job going through a story from Heroic Leadership by Chris Lowney that has us thinking about what helping other people out spiritually can actually mean. I'm excited for how this is all coming together. I'm praying for a Band of Brothers to go through this with us.

When I grow up...

2010-09-10T10:22:00.000-07:00

So, part of my journey now that I'm 40 is assessing where I am and where I want to go. I signed up for career coaching with a friend from my LINK days, Brent, to figure out what kinds of work I'd best enjoy/be suited for/wouldn't bang my head against the wall whilst doing. I've shared this news with a variety of people and got a number of reactions, but the common question is, "So, have there been any surprises?"

To me, that question itself is a surprise because I've been hoping that this process would reveal something incredibly new and exciting and my whole life would transform into this happy bubble of unicorns and lollipops. But I guess that, by now, there are very few true surprises left, since I've spent 40 years getting to know who I am. Which is both comforting and depressing.

In all honesty, I don't know that I ever had a "when I grow up, I want to be..." moment. I spent a lot of time around my grandparents, for whom doing well was a big deal. I was encouraged to go into computers because they saw this as a good ticket to success, not because it was necessarily something I was good at or liked.

So, I guess that, despite the wide variety in things I've done for fun or for work or "just because", it is surprising that my interests gravitate toward teaching or leading other people. The Top 10 list that was generated by the surveys I took came out with "librarian, top executive officer, military officer, corporate trainer, ESL instructor, college instructor, college professor, chef", some of which I've actually done (I'll leave it up to y'all to figure out which ones) and leave me wondering where I'd be if I had pursued those paths further than what I had done.

Thankfully, this is just another step down the whole path for me. That list isn't a straight-jacket for career options, and my mind is already playing around with what's possible given everything in my life (experiences, interests, actual skills, etc.).

More to come...

THE Trip

2010-09-09T11:42:00.000-07:00

It's been five months since the Big Trip to Europe. Lots to say about it, and I'll share snippets here and there.

For now, let me say that I really love traveling. It's been incredible to have the opportunity to go to different parts of the world and see different cultures up front and personal, and NOT in a Disney World sort of way (nothing against Disney World; it's one of my favorite places, but highly artificial in terms of the "world culture" it exhibits). Many fun moments in this trip, and, true to form, God did the wacky and got me stuck an extra week due to the volcanic ash cloud (really, how much more random does THAT sound?!?!!?).

The things I'm taking away from my time are the long train rides where Don Miller and Sue Monk Kidd were my companions; renewing old friendships (including one from my grad school days in a new-to-me country); other wacky travel adventures; speaking other languages (and being able to negotiate! YES, I've arrived!); and playing with kids young and old. Sigh....

Upcoming trips: going to Disney World (told you it was one of my favorite places!) with my nephew, niece, brother, sister and her hubby; Haiti in the spring and maybe, fingers crossed, Australia.

40?!?!?!?

2010-03-24T08:06:00.000-07:00

I have a hard time with being vulnerable. And so, it's been hard to know how to field the "you're 40? How do you feel about that?" questions.

I'm happy to be alive, don't get me wrong. But 40 seems to be (not just for me) a time of reflection on your life to date as you transition out of the realm of "young adulthood" into the next one (middle age? I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet).

With that reflection, though, comes some of the pain of what I thought life would be like for me at this point. Yeah, the traditional husband and kids, but other things as well. 40 seems to have been this indelible boundary by which I was to have done or accumulated or otherwise achieved all sorts of things, some of which I'm well aware of, and some of which are shadowy thoughts and feelings in the background. As Susan Isaacs would say, middle-class white girl problems, but still they're my problems.

Which is why I'm grateful for a number of things: first, Susan's book "Angry Conversations with God" which gives me an outlet to laugh, cry, and be able to hear God in a different light while I wrestle with my middle-class white girl problems. My family and friends, who are still with me and listen to me and help me to wrestle my way through the emotions of it all. My friend Stacey, who was a great example to me the other night of being at peace with not having the life I wanted. My upcoming trip to Europe, where I get to connect with old friends and have tons of time to celebrate the life I've lived to this point. And, a clean slate with new goals and dreams and hopes, which God has been steadily shaping and providing for me. Hokey, but true.

A Walk Down Memory Lane: The Early Years Part 1

2010-03-17T11:41:00.000-07:00

Memories from my early years usually swirl around Christmas time. My grandmother Saalbach (affectionately known as "Mommom") really, really, really, REALLY loved Christmas. I remember huge "family" (only in quotes because "family" usually meant not only real relations, but tons of honorary family members, people who didn't have anyone to celebrate with whom my grandparents invited along) dinners around her dining room table (at least 15 to 20 people), with her really good crystal china being used, along with cloth tablecloths and napkins). There would be a huge turkey or ham, which Poppop would carve at one end of the table. There were lots of sides, including cream onions and rolls which my mom had freshly baked.

My grandparents' bungalow had a fireplace, which was almost always lit, and there was always music playing in the background. Everyone was dressed up as if it were a formal dinner (and it was treated as such!). We kids would help set the table (with frilly 50's-era aprons) and would help clear after dinner was done. Poppop's carving station was replaced with a coffee and dessert station, where he would slice up everybody's choice of pie: either pumpkin (which the kids loved) or mincemeat (which the kids would make fun of and the adults would eat).

Presents usually were before dinner, and were piled high in front of the big floor-sized television, on top of which was an artificial tree decorated with lights and other ornaments from the 30's. There was a lot of "oohing" and "aahing" that came with The Opening Of the Presents, and sometimes demonstrations of how clothes would fit or how certain toys would work.

Part 2 soon...

Memories...

2010-03-16T12:50:00.000-07:00

So, yes, I turned 40 not too long ago (Bless you to all of those who were genuinely shocked at that revelation!). So far, 40 is treating me well. Good celebrations, good times with friends, and a family that loves me through teasing T-shirts (whose pictures I will post when I get my act together).

I had planned a series of celebrations for a number of reasons, including that I couldn't decide on just one thing I wanted to do with a large group of people. So I proposed a multiple choice party, or "birthday smorgasbord" if you will.

At the first of four events, a friend asked me to share one favorite memory from each of my decades. This ended up being a great way to reflect on life to date, as well as share more from my soul, so I'll be sharing those memories here (and probably adding more to the mix since more keep coming to mind). And refraining from singing "Memories" (either the "Cats" version or the Barbara Streisand version). But I digress...

First on the list: 0-10

Another year, another trip

2010-03-16T12:38:00.000-07:00

40 seems to be a big year for reflective thinking and big trips. Given that other people are taking over our church's Haiti partnership, I have time and energy to explore other parts of the world. What I should be doing is going somewhere exotic and warm, or take a physically-challenging trip where I'm climbing mountains or exploring jungles. Instead, I'm taking a trip around Central Europe where I'll be reconnecting with friends from many parts from my past. I'm expecting lots of laughter, sharing, and, oh yes, potatoes.

More stories to come, so stay tuned.

Up Down All Around

2009-06-19T11:42:00.000-07:00

It's been a roller-coaster week.

Sunday was the last worship service (for this season, anyway) at the Boston site of my church, and it was both wild and wonderful and really sad.

Work has been both insanely quiet (with most of the people I support out of the office for various reasons) and insanely busy (as people have prepared both for being out of the office and potential new business).

My time with God has both been up (Thursday morning reflecting on my dating life and some of the ways God is maturing me both in that and on a bigger level) and horribly down (that same day, not dealing well with the life stuff I've been facing for longer than I really wish).

Up and down still seems better than the evenness (read, "shut down") of my earlier years.

Killing Me Softly...

2009-06-05T13:20:00.000-07:00

Friends from all parts of my life have remarked on my (super)ability to match up the prevailing mood with an appropriate song (also from all parts of my life). Don't know how to harness it fully for the good of mankind, but today it's serving as inspiration for my next post.

Killing Me Softly seems to be the theme of what God is doing in my life lately. I had another little death today as I had to weigh out whether 'tis better to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune (or, in my case, to sit on how I was feeling about a particular situation and person contained within said situation) or to swallow my fear and general unwillingness to confront unless provoked and own up to needing to talk things through.

Many reasons why this is hard, even though I can be pretty gutsy otherwise, but today it was feeling like I already sensed what may be the reasons for said situation and could live with where things stood. But my tears anytime I thought about the situation spoke otherwise. So, I bit the bullet and had a really nice conversation, where now feelings have been aired, situation has been talked through, and we're both in a better place of understanding of each other. Really, there was no real reason why things would have been any different, since this person is amazing at all things regarding a good talking-out. Chalk it up to a great many more people who really aren't.

With death comes resurrection. In more ways than one, here. Pride and fear gave way to deeper friendship and understanding, and hope for how things will go in the future.

The ups and downs of trips

2009-06-04T13:17:00.000-07:00

Is it lame to say that I need to start all over again?

Here's the scoop:

Got back from my trip to Haiti in September, where I had learned tons of interesting ways the non-profit community are reaching out to high-need areas (and that Matt Damon was also in the mix; go figure). Could see some ways our church could get practically involved. Met with a pastor who asked if we could slow down a bit and see where this was going. Huh?

Turns out that a couple of other worthy initiatives were just starting to take off which were a bit more closely linked with members of our church, and sure enough, those initiatives quickly gathered steam and WHAM-O! Haiti has been set aside, at least for now, at least for me.

This is all part of the rollercoaster that is following God. It's taken a while for me to let go of this. At first I was going to plan a trip that would be a closure sort of thing- follow through on training for a church we met up with. That idea just recently got reexamined as it's been a hard spring with a death in the family, a death in the workplace, and the demise of a ministry in the church.

With death comes resurrection, at least in God's take on reality, and I'm hopeful that I'll be shown what my next steps are. Needless to say, pursuing practical ways to love the poor has reshaped my thoughts in terms of loving the world at large.

Now we return to our regularly scheduled programming

2008-08-22T07:41:00.000-07:00

As a group, the Haiti team decided to take a week or two off, since life was getting busy toward the end of summer. In the interim, I've managed to connect with two NGOs and finagled dates and an offer of chauffering help around Port-au-Prince. Wow!

We've raised about 1/10th of our needed funds. Wow!

Most of the consultants where I work are back now from various vacations, so I'm faced with the normal Monday deluge, which has left me feeling cranky. Boo!

Summer's almost over; in fact, up here in New England, the temperatures will be somewhere around the early autumn normal temps. Boo!

Wanted to write about something witty and urbane, but inspiration has been very fleeting over the past few weeks. Boo!

I definitely need to boost up the Wow factor...

On the move...

2008-08-11T12:22:00.000-07:00

So, the letters are in the mail and now we're in the process of actually planning the trip, as in, where do we go? Who do we see? I feel overwhelmed, even though Ezechiel's worked with the UN in Port au Prince and seems to have crazy contacts there.

I was flipping through a book I bought for my sister (and have so far neglected to actually give her) written by Tony Campolo, one of the more recent Christians to have brought social justice into the language of evangelical churches, and came across story after story he shared about work he and his organizations do in Haiti! Intrigued, I went on the website and discovered, sure enough, that www.beyondborders.net has a thriving ministry that seeks to help people come alongside the poor and learn from them while helping them. They do all sorts of relief work and even offer the opportunity to live with Haitians for a while. All very exciting.

I emailed them this morning, got an immediate response, so we're off and running. Apparently, they have a gathering in Jacmel the Sunday right before we arrive, so I'll have to see what to do about that.

Exciting...

The letters are in the mail!!!!!

2008-08-07T05:42:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time in coming, but the support letters are in the mail. It's official- we're going!

It's been a journey, to say the least. We've finally settled on an exploratory trip, keeping it small this time and focusing on connecting with NGOs in Port au Prince, while making connections with people in Ezechiel's church, so we can better understand what it is they need and how we can help out. We'll be doing this at the end of September.

We'll also start up a focus group in October to pull people from all over the church together in to take what info we've gathered and to help us shape a trip for next summer. I'll start a Facebook group to that effect.

If anybody's interested in keeping up with what's happening in the trip, I'll be posting on this blog what we're up to. If anybody's interested in supporting us, let me know and I'll send you info.

Millennium Campus Conference

2008-08-05T06:50:00.000-07:00

For those who want more information about the Conference that happened back in April, here's the website for the group who planned and executed it:

www.millenniumcampusnetwork.org

They're posting the ongoing dialogue that started with the conference, and have articles and pictures from the conference.

2008-08-05T06:14:00.000-07:00

Last night I heard from a friend from my IFES days, which brought back lots of memories. In keeping with the last post, I want to share my experience of 9/11/2001.

I left the United States on September 1, 2001 to move to Poland for the next couple of years to work, for lack of a better way to explain it, as a pastor to Polish university students. I flew into London and spent a couple of days with friends, then went out to Kent for a week, where I spent time getting to know other Brits and Americans who were also preparing to go to other countries to pastor and mentor students.

A group of us traveled back to London together and arrived at Victoria station. We decided we would check email, then see the sights, then go on to whatever it was we needed to do before we left England for other ports of call. However, none of us could log in at the internet cafe. It was fairly busy there, so we weren't sure if maybe there was a lot of internet traffic in general. Then one of us said, "You'll never belive what just happened!" and pointed to his computer screen where a live picture of one of the World Towers was displayed, in smoke. Another friend checked his cell phone and discovered a text message from his sister in the Philippines, who said that the World Trade Towers had been hit by airplanes in New York City. It was a surreal moment, with the pictures we were watching on the computer looking as if it were an action movie starring Will Smith.

Eventually, we noticed there were a lot of people on the streets. It turned out that Tony Blair was afraid the same thing might happen in England, and had declared a state of emergency. Businesses shut down in the middle of the day, and people were wandering the streets trying to get home. I went into Victoria station to call the friends I was staying with, and saw an incredible amount of people cramming on the Tube and getting on any train possible. I met up with my friend, and we came across a number of Americans who said that all trans-Atlantic flights were canceled, with no idea of when they would resume again.

As it was, my flight to Poland was for the next day and was still scheduled to leave. I arrived at the airport the next morning and had to check every piece of luggage, including any carryon items. Surprisingly, check-in went fairly quickly and we flew out pretty much on time. I changed planes in Germany, and the security guard who checked my passport looked at mine and said, "I'm so sorry."

For me, it was a bundle of feelings- I wanted to go back to the States, not so much because I was afraid for my own safety, but it felt like the kind of "family crisis" where you want to be with the people you love. I found family in my new home of Poland and was touched by the ways the people around me showed their support in the face of such an awful tragedy, especially because they had experienced tragedy several times over. It felt strange to be experiencing such a national event overseas- almost as if I weren't really an American. It also made me sort of a local celebrity as my new coworkers asked me what I thought our president would do in response, and what the mood among my countrymen was in the face of this tragedy (I had to tell them, "I don't know," which added to my sense of estrangement).

What memories do you have of 9/11?

Warsaw Uprising

2008-08-01T07:40:00.000-07:00

It's strange being in another culture and seeing well-celebrated events or happenings through different eyes.

Friday marked the 64th anniversary of the Warsaw Uprising. While that isn't a celebrated event in the US, being in Poland when the 60th Anniversary was being commemorated put a new spin on World War II for me.

Poland, of course, was invaded and then occupied by the Nazis, and most Americans don't know much beyond that. I didn't know much beyond that until I lived in Poland, and I'm still learning bits and pieces.

What I wanted to write about today is one memory that struck a chord with me during that 60th anniversary commemoration, only because it seemed so familiar.

I woke up the morning of August 1st and left my apartment early because Warsaw was opening its Uprising museum that day, and I wanted to both see it and get an autograph from Norman Davies, a British historian who's well-loved in Poland because he's written several books about Poland's history. I got on the tram and found myself amongst a huge assortment of men and women in their 70's and 80's, each with what looked like their grandchildren. They all were chatting with one another, and I realized these were men and women who had fought with the Polish Home Army during the Uprising. They were finally being decorated for their heroic service to Poland and to Warsaw in that brutal battle in 1944 to save Poland from the Nazis.

It was amazingly moving to me, especially since I had grown up among World War II veterans at home. It was particularly moving the more I got to know the story: men, women and children banded together and fought off the Nazis in absolutely brutal conditions for about 2 months before they finally had to capitulate. The city was systematically destroyed after that. The people I was seeing were the survivors from that battle, people who were willing to stand up and fight no matter what, not knowing what the outcome was going to be.

I'm so used to the American perspective of the war- we fighting against the powers of evil with a glorious victory at the end. It was humbling to see the pictures and be in a city that experienced that war with all of its consequences more directly than we had.

What do you do with a German degree?

2008-07-30T11:45:00.000-07:00

MCrosky : Johnny, what can you make outta this? [hands him a piece of paper]
Johnny : This? Why I could make a hat, or a brooch, a pterodactyl. . . (from Airplane!)

There aren't many occasions where my degree is immediately applicable or useful. Most recently, I got to use my training to provide translation for the bits of the Indiana Jones trilogy where the Nazis yell at various characters in the movie (my favorite part in Raiders is when Indy's trying to put on an undersized uniform and gets confronted by an officer).

However, God throws me the occasional curveball and I get to step into practice. One such occasion was the summer of 1998, when I was with a group of students from Boston in Warsaw, Poland. We had just spent three weeks in the mountains for a lingual-cultural exchange, and were headed back to the capital to take part in a European-wide leadership training camp. In exchange for letting us be part of it, the camp's organizers asked those of us who were leading the group to step in and help out as much as we could, which we agreed to wholeheartedly.

There were students from everywhere in Europe from Azerbaijan to Russia, Norway to Italy and virtually every country in between. That made logistics a challenge, especially since the only common language everyone had was English. Most countries had English-speakers among their delegates, or people who could speak English and translate for their friends. It all was working and flowing until the students got paired up with leaders who would serve as their mentors.

Each student got to meet up with a pastor of sorts, and the pairing up went rather well until they came across the group from Hungary. A few of them spoke English, but not the young man they brought with them. And there was no male leader who could speak Hungarian (nor was there any female leader, either). The language he could speak? GERMAN!!!! And I was the only leader available who could speak German.

Cool, huh?

There are other cool stories from this conference, which I'll share in detail at some point. Suffice it to say, I've done more with my degree than make quirky origami projects from it....

Story Time!

2008-07-29T13:00:00.001-07:00

There may be some who think I'm pretty clever with my blog title. I hate to burst bubbles, but I got inspired by the name of an album by a Christian metal band named King's X. The album came out when I was at college, and I got pretty excited by my name being used for anything other than naming a dog (can I tell you how many German Shepherds were named "Gretchen" while I was growing up?). Both the album and the story that goes with it were pretty fun and inspiring. Here's the story (and, by the way; I've never been to Nebraska):

Gretchen Goes To Nebraska by Jerry Gaskill
Seven years ago (not counting today), a small girl with big ideas set forth to a land, somewhere known only to her dreams. Among the tall trees and whispering breeze, in which she sees faint depictions of an inner pointillist forming detailed landscapes, fully dimensional, in various shades of grey (with hints of invading color at a distance), and her boldly hovering, as a spirit would do, above the scenery yet mysteriously also in the midst (an integral part of the picture itself), she hopped merrily along, with a suitcase of memories, a lunchbox of assorted fruits and candy and a knapsack of her writings, her music, and all that is important to her filled to the very top; with an occasional piece of importance making its way out and onto the ground. • A few steps ahead, she noticed (hiding timidly in front of an old oak tree; a grandfather oak if you will) a middle-aged lady wearing a faded purple dress with a small floral print and torn at the shoulder. Her face looked as if she'd been crying then wiped her eyes with dirty hands. • Upon the girls acknowledgment the lady reached into her purse for a smile, found only one then quivered, looked up and shyly said, "Good luck." Although knowing she'd had none herself, she wished it upon others. She still had hope. • The girl spoke kindly but with a slight tinge of disgust to the lady. "Have you traveled this road before?" • "Oh, no," answered the lady. "I've never been encouraged to start. I can't see much past myself. But I greatly admire your strength and courage to have come from somewhere else to here and still see beyond this point and have no desire to stay, but to continue on." • "But I'm scared too. I have no idea what truly awaits me. I only have hope and I believe in that hope." • "The key, though, is that your fear is not king. But this fear or weakness as you may see it becomes your strength, because you see into the greater and possibly even the greatest and this puts your fear to work in the factory of life to produce your good. In a sense, it becomes your slave. I would rejoice if I were you." • Not knowing exactly to respond to such a discreet analysis of her journey, she just graciously and simply replied, "Well, thank you." • "Oh no no" said the lady excitedly. "Thank you. You're the one with the glimmer in your eye." • So, slightly confused and very startled at the apparent reality of this situation, she slowly took two steps backwards, her eyes still gazing intently at the lady, turned cautiously to continue, then immediately found herself smack dab in the middle of a corner. • Her head involuntarily dropped towards the ground with a sigh. As her eyes began to focus on the ground, she noticed a piece of paper with writing on it. It looked familiar, yet she knew it was not quite hers. She picked it up and started to read. It said: Dear broken One, I have no defense at this time, only my empty words of redundant selfishness and vagary. I could struggle to the top of any mountain top, stand tall, fling my arms wide open and shout all the mysteries of my heart known to me at the time, and still I'd end up walking the path of the redundant vague one. The way I see things, there's just too much to see not to be vague or redundant for that matter. I find, though, in light of all that exists, that my measly penetration into the unspeakable vastness of all that there is matters very little if at all to the penetration into all that exists of those who have glued their eyes so steadily upon my reaction to this maze of clarity, pouring out from within, encircling my existence as far as my eye can see, then returning with a new plan and a reconstructed maze of the same origin, leading to the same place. Maybe I'm misunderstanding. Or maybe I'm missing the simplicity of simply not being me. Sometimes I stare because that's where all that I see is. • So you think that you've ridden the clouds I have; or heard the crystal music coming from nowhere; or watched skeletons laugh while dissecting your curiosity? Maybe you have. Maybe you haven't. You see I'm a victim of self imposed knowledge. I'd fallen prey to the wondrous keeper of the keys out of the garden of Eden and quite a few of his cohorts who dipped seeds of truth into vats of contaminated pride then handed them back to me with a greeting that said Good Luck. Although I've been rescued, my backyard still expands enough to have those chained offenders lurking eagerly to recompense evil for good. • Now I don't pretend to know more than the next guy, or maybe I do pretend, but I know better. I only know what I know. And sometimes it's hard to see past what I know. But you know, down the road a bit there's always a major breakthrough waiting- for you know who- me. So let's get on with it and smile our way through the madness. Ok? Sincerely, Also Broken. • After reading this, she turned, looked up straight ahead into what was an entirely new land. Instead of the forest of towering slightly unfamiliar redwoods for miles on end, a clear cut path and that curious, lone "grandfather oak," she now stood upon a vast sea of sand (that greyish white kind you'll find on the beaches of the North Atlantic) that stretched for miles incalculable. At the sight of this, on top of what she'd just read, she fell on her knees, pounded the sand then screamed at the top of her lungs, "DO I HAVE TO TAKE ALL OF THIS JUST TO GET TO NEBRASKA!" • Now at the very second that she had finished this outburst, she noticed a small gentle type of bird flying smoothly overhead. As it become parallel to where she was kneeling, it let go of avery piece of paper it had been carrying its beak. The paper floated effortlessly as if it directed by the master of all wind, landed precisely at her knees and stayed there till she was able to pick it up. When she finally did, it simply and comfortingly read, as though it were smiling at her: YES... • The consolation of this note, mixed with an equally brave sense of fear, brought instant tears to her eyes as she positioned herself limply on the sandy floor about her, contemplating the future in relationship with now and at what intersection does her journey have to do with anything anymore. • After thirty minutes or so another amazing thing began to happen. All around her, the sandy beach began transforming into a paradisiacal land of roaming green hills, crystalline lakes filled with dancing fish, and an occasional curious deer or rabbit adding its innocence to the scene. Daisies and lilac bushes appeared, dotting the land with their beautiful whites and yellows and purples while scenting the air with that gorgeous lilac aroma. The land stretched on perfectly smooth for miles and miles. • "Oh what a wonderful, wonderful surface for me to travel on," thought Gretchen. (By the way, Gretchen is the girl's name and she come from a long line of visionaries, explorers, and well, just plain pioneers of all sorts.) So immediately with a fresh burst of energy and all agog. she gathered her things and headed straightway on her journey. After five minutes or so of delightful running and skipping, the thought occurred to her; I no longer have any concrete direction, this being an entirely new land and all. Then instantaneously, quite like the incident with the bird and the note, she spotted two or three miles ahead what appeared to be a preposterous waterfall. From where she stood (remember she was two or three miles away) it looked as if it was fast approaching the Niagara Falls itself. If ever you've been to the Niagara Falls, you can imagine the monstrosity of this thing; especially at such a distance. Nightmarish! if not for the beauty of this land she roved. And also, what to fear? She was on dry land and no hint of the land forcing her into it. • Once again, with this thought and her next step, a trickling stream began to form beneath her (apparently from nowhere) growing deeper and more forceful with each step. Soon she was surrounded by nothing but water rising quickly to her neck. Now she was carried by it. Nothing but water for miles and it was rapidly heading straight or that preposterous beauty of a waterfall. Nightmarish!!! Fortunately there were no rocks of any sort in that water. She was definitely carried through. No time to think now; only to let go...! • It seemed like hours until she reached what felt to be the sure Cataract of Doom. With eyes closed and all hope of life continuing given up, over the edge she was swept. • Upon opening her eyes, she found herself in no better situation than she expected. She was falling swiftly, engulfed in the bluest, white water imaginable. Then, "How in the world did I ever get here!" she thought. Suddenly everything changed again. Rather than falling, she was now caught up in a whirlpool, guiding her where it willed. Unheard-of dialogue, superficialities, wisdom, philosophical discussions, tainted Christianity, Pantheism, Communism, thisim, thatism, sexual perversity, truest sexual pleasure, laughter (haunting then soothing), T.V., technology from beginning to end; connecting to what she now perceived to be herself, became the life force of this consuming vortex. • Round and round she began to fall again; this time a centripetal force her guide, leading her where, she had no thoughts. She knew only too well that she was its slave. Faster and faster, whirling and spinning, headlong into this relentlessly wicked unknown! • With all the thoughts gone and surrendered to bondage, to her surprise she stopped dead in her tracks (if we can call them hers), was poured forth as if from a tube, flipping as she flowed to feet first position, alighting into a realm of pitch blackness. With a combination of relief and confused anger, she thought, "Now what?" Immediately she heard a knock upon a door. In the midst of this total darkness, her only response was a timid "where?" • A doorknob of purest, transparent gold slowly began to protrude through the wall of blackness directly in front of her. She reached out to turn it. The mere touch of her skin to the knob caused the warmest sentience of ease, comfort and comradery to shoot through her entire being, inside and out as if to prepare her for whatever lurked behind that wall. • The wall promptly melted, revealing a simple man clad in soiled work clothes, against a landscape of indescribable beauty and proportion. Imagine all the wonder of a land you can muster. Add your childhood thoughts of splendor. Subtract nothing. Continue that on and on and still you have only maybe touched the veriest fringe of all its glory. Gretchen would have fallen as dead if not for the magic (the truest magic) of that doorknob. • His eyes blasted forth wisdom. His arms spoke strength forever. His feet could have crushed the very world in which he stood. His chest revealed truth in every direction. His smile lighted the world within and throughout. He stood there grinning; he was a simple man. • After what seemed to have been years of learning and unlearning, He spoke. • "Where are you headed, my child?" • The words "my child" filled Gretchen with all hope. She wanted nothing more than to run and dance and leap into His arms, and yes, truly be His child forevermore. Now after what seemed to be years again, she caught hold of herself and said, "Nebraska, I think." • "Oh don't think my child," He said. "Just be sure." • "Well what I meant was I think, or I know, rather, I want to stay here. I feel like I've arrived at where I've always wanted to be plus so much more. When I started for Nebraska, it was the land of my dreams. It was only inside of me then. Now all that's inside and outside and all direction everywhere is You and this paradise where you stand. Is this Nebraska?" • "To you it is Nebraska. To others it's Narnia. To others Heaven," he whispered. "To others Eden. To still others Truth. and to some, it just is. This the land within; the land of your dreams. But let me explain; you were correct in saying you've arrived. But you haven't quite entered." I must note with each word that He spoke, He was forthwith adorned with the vestments of the kingliest King of Kings, while His stature and brilliance ascended far above the highest reaching peak, till nothing was left but Him and nothing else mattered. • Gretchen hurriedly asked, "How do I enter then, Please?!" At once He transformed into an old dilapidated wooden door, with its paint peeling and barely hanging on its hinges. • "Through here," spoke a voice that rang throughout all eternity and is ringing still for those who can hear. • "Gretchen, without hesitation, rushed through the door, leaving all but Him behind. Awaiting her entrance (with all glory and comradery) stood her King, her friend, her Lord and Love of and for all time, with hand outstretched, desiring her hand in what we'd call marriage (excepting no hint of separation, ever). • "Now off we go," said He. "There's so much for you to see." So off they flew and walked and ran and talked and skipped happily into volumes of indescribable wonder, becoming more and more familiar with each step, yet astonishingly new on each beam of direction. • "Then Gretchen stopped. She gazed at her Lord as if to say, "you sneak, you" and said, "You brought me here, didn't You?" • He began to laugh, inspiring all the land to join in the celebration. Then "Remember the outset of your journey?" He whispered (bringing an attentive intermission in all the land about them). She couldn't recall. She only knew the now. • He continued, " You started within, with only a dream. Within has no end, only beginning. Whether it's known or not makes no difference inside. For sight is blindness; strong is weak; power is failure if based on what's known. Your dream was unseen. Your strength unresolved. Your power unaccounted for. So from whence did you begin? and through what made you your entrance? Your beginning was your arrival and your entrance was through Me. So in other words my child, yes, Any more questions?" • They both smiled; they both laughed. The land relinquished its attentive ear, rejoined the happy jubilation; then off they went, hand in hand to connect with all others' dreams, to see all heretofore unseen, to know all that can't be known, to touch what's never been touched, to taste the sweetness of taste beyond! No turning back, yet leaving nothing behind...

We're going !

2008-07-28T13:40:00.000-07:00

Amazingly enough, we had a great conversation on Sunday. The now-for-us-very-usual quandry about when (conflicts arose around whichever weekend we were planning for), but a sort of good resolution that everyone could live with was reached. As we prayed, we felt creativity creeping into our prayers: one member is a dance teacher so we're praying that something dance-related will come up in the trip so she can learn and bring back culture to her students.

Not an adventuresome post, but as Hannibal on the ATeam used to say, "I love it when a plan comes together!" (sans cigar)

I hope I don't jinx us...

2008-07-25T08:35:00.000-07:00

but I think we're really going to Haiti this year. It's been a crazy journey- personality and power conflicts galore, two team members dropping out due to job offers (or potential job offers), and shifting to September because of how quickly it had all fallen apart.

Now it looks like we have a smaller but committed team (one member wants to go but needs to check with her doctor to be sure it's okay), a new direction and a new time.

I have mixed feelings. I do want to see our partnership with Haiti move forward. I was hoping we would go back to Pardieu this year, but there was a push for exploring other things Haiti, so we're doing that. It should give us a bigger picture about what's happening, which is ultimately good. It would be fun to leave the country and to get immersed again in the craziness of another culture.

I keep my eye on the problems we're having, at the same time, and wonder if this is really the right time. It's been so good not to have anything major looming over my summer, as has been the case the last couple of years (and probably quite a number more, come to think of it). It's been a crazy year for me emotionally with all sorts of family issues going on. I would just like to rest. Yes, going to Haiti is technically running off to a Caribbean island, but it isn't in the same, restful kind of mindframe that that kind of trip usually generates.

We'll be meeting on Sunday to work on moving forward.

The adventure of jobs...

2008-07-24T10:04:00.000-07:00

I haven't had a, shall we say, straightforward career path. I entered college wanting to double-major in engineering and German (hoping to build robots for handicapped people and, uh, speak German, I guess), and ended up with a German degree. I wasn't planning on going to graduate school, but to grad school I went due to an incredible last-minute opportunity and I got a Master's in German lit. I flirted with the idea of getting a Ph.D. and moving into academia (following the footsteps of my dad), but instead moved up to Boston to get a low-paying job and be a pastor of international students. From there I moved back into academia, but as support staff (i.e., secretary) in the president's office of a local college.

From there, I got the invitation to go to Warsaw to be a pastor to Polish students through an international Christian student ministry. Then I moved back to Boston to become...support staff for the Boston branch of a national business.

Which means I shouldn't be too darn surprised that my sister emailed me yesterday to say that she spent the day at an FBI open house and found out they're looking for translators, and thought I might be interested. Since her email, I've gotten other emails from family members encouraging me to check it out.

Ah, life is fun!

To NGO or not to NGO...

2008-07-23T10:55:00.001-07:00

A reader asked me to comment more on what Paul Farmer said about forming more NGOs versus supporting the Public Sector. Dr. Farmer didn't say much more than what I wrote in the blog, but here's the URL for the Partners in Health newsletter, which describes a joint venture between PIH and the Haitian Ministry of Health:

http://www.pih.org/inforesources/newsletters/PIH_e-Bulletin_0108_2.pdf#Haiti

I love a number of things about this. First of all, it's filling a real need in the country. Second, it's Dr. Farmer putting his beliefs into practice. Third, it's fulfilling what Robert Linthicum in his book, Transforming Power, calls "The Iron Rule": get those in need to be part of the solution.

It's clear that if a need isn't getting met, industrious people with the will and resources ought to step up and help. The troubles with creating more NGOs, as good as many of them are, can be many: more NGOs ultimately diffuses the available resources and their ultimate impact; it either creates or perpetuates a "hand-me-down" mentality; and, in the case where America or other powerful countries might be supplying the resources, the temptation is strong to do things "our way" rather than a way that's culturally relevant and effective.

Dr. Farmer's solution seems to bring out the best in an NGO-public sector partnership: the NGO provides needed resources, but not all; it calls the public sector entity to give what they can and be fully involved; and provides empowerment and growth both to the public sector entity and to the local people whose lives would be most directly affected by the project.

Any thoughts?

Things that make you go hmmmmmmmm...

2008-07-23T06:12:00.001-07:00

Monday I sat down for a conversation with my boss about recent doings in the office and my workflow. It was a good conversation with little resolution beyond "I know you're working hard; keep going!" and a vague promise of "someday, we WILL have more support staff!"

Then yesterday, an email was sent from HR noting a new position in the Boston office for a support staff person. Jaws dropped! There was singing in the corridors! OUR CRIES HAD BEEN HEARD!

I'm being a bit dramatic here, but it really seemed almost impossible that we would see this happen anytime soon, due to budget concerns and now, the woes of the economy.

I just ended a 40-day period where a bunch of us collectively prayed for and encouraged each other toward big hopes and dreams. Having extra help at the office wasn't on the list of things I was praying for, but seeing this nigh-near impossible thing happen gives me hope that other nigh-near impossible things just might be around the corner.

Wonder what will happen next...

Hitting the mark...

2008-07-23T05:52:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking this morning about something I heard on Sunday about the nature of evil and sin. Dave defined sin (as many others do) as "missing the mark" but expanded the picture a bit. If "the mark" is everything good that God has for us (love, joy, peace, abundance, etc.), then missing the mark brings on isolation, misery, and shame.

Beyond some situations in my own life where I know there are specific things I need to recalibrate myself on, it also made me think about the communal aspect of "missing the mark". How does missing the mark collectively affect us? Affect others around us? It seems that isolation and misery end up being experienced on a grander scale, whether we're the ones causing that for others or others cause that for us.

That made me think of something that was curious for me at the time, but makes more sense now. We had been in Pardieu for a couple of days, and I was starting to ask myself why I was there. I knew what got us there, but I was feeling the "I don't speak the language, I'm not doing anything practical; what DIFFERENCE am I making here?" What I got in response was a sense of joy. In that moment, it seemed like God was saying, "I'm glad you're here! It's good you're here. You're hitting the right mark."

While I still don't know what long-term impact, if any, we had on that community, it's good to know that moving in the right direction brings those things God wants for all of us.

A New Adventure

2008-07-21T05:44:00.000-07:00

This weekend my church hosted a "Holy Spirit" day. For those not familiar with the Alpha Course, it's a day in a sequence of classes about different aspects of following Jesus where we explore who is the Holy Spirit, what does He do, etc. etc.

While there's much to say about THAT, what hit me after the end of the day is two different conversations I had with two different friends, which is making me think about new exciting adventures for this blog.

I'm still going to write about Haiti and our upcoming trip (and believe me, there are new things afoot with that- more later). I'm still going to write about my new journey into the realm of global social justice (and for those who are starting to read me and have left comments, thanks! I'd love to get a list of books you'd recommend).

I'm going to add posts on the adventures in life and faith that eventually led me to Haiti (and hopefully, points beyond). Probably also book reviews, since I'm uncovering books that I've collected over the years that deal with thoughtful action to help alleviate poverty.

So, thanks for those who are just starting to tune in! I'm looking forward to hearing back sometime soon.

Stuff, stuff and more stuff

2008-04-29T07:46:00.000-07:00

1. Global Poverty Initiative conference: the small part I attended was GREAT! Little did I know this was their very first ever conference. They were turning people away, which is a good sign that people are really interested in issues surrounding global poverty. Once I was there, I wished I could have stayed for the whole thing, but two sessions out of 96 isn't completely bad...

2. Paul Farmer was great. Pretty energetic- he's like a very incredibly smart yet sociable 20-year-old. A young woman sitting behind me had just come from breakfast and happened to run into him. She was totally starstruck! I probably would be too. He mostly spoke about our need to not make global poverty our "hobby" but to take it on seriously. He also cautioned about going out and forming our own NGOs, since everyone else is doing it. His desire is to see the public sector of impoverished countries be funded/supported. He was asked some questions specifically about Haiti, and it (shouldn't have, but it did) surprised me just how much people in this area love and support Haiti. I knew that our church weren't the only ones to take up Haiti as a cause, but wow. Hopefully we can all work together.

3. Another meeting about Haiti. We're moving ahead with our plans to visit Port-au-Prince. We'll go from there.

Global Poverty Initiative Conference Starts Today!

2008-04-18T05:49:00.000-07:00

The Global Poverty Initiative conference starts today (I'm going tomorrow). Given the deepening crisis that is happening surrounding food and its production and distribution, I'm curious to see what people will say.

Paul Farmer, the subject of "Mountains to Mountains" and the cofounder of Partners in Health, will be giving first keynote talk of the day tomorrow. A friend of mine had commented that she fairly stalked him for a few years so she can quote his speech. I'm pretty sure, though, that in light of what's happening currently, he'll have something new to talk about.

I read an article in an Australian paper that stretched my viewpoint on how big this actually is- I didn't realize there were riots happening in Egypt and Cameroon as well as Haiti. And the situation is a lot more complex, as apparently the World Bank is calling for countries to reevaluate their approach to farming. Given how reluctant people are in general to change anything about how they live their lives, and how removed from world realities people in the US are, it'll be interesting to see what the reaction to this actually is.

Anyway, 'nuff said. I'll have thoughts and reactions to the (very few, unfortunately) seminars I'm able to go to tomorrow.

Sign of trouble to come?

2008-04-10T07:28:00.000-07:00

I saw on CNN's website that there were protests in Port-au-Prince yesterday about rising food costs. Understandable, given that most people in Haiti earn about $2 a day. Reading further, it seems that 95% of Haiti's wealth is held by 10% of the population. No wonder tensions are flaring up.

Last night my group and I talked briefly about our upcoming trip to Port-au-Prince. A couple of years ago, that trip got canceled in light of all the kidnappings that were taking place in Port-au-Prince, so we're eyeing the current troubles a bit more closely and praying that we'll still be able to go.

The situation does point out how big the problems are in Haiti, and that we as a group need to go in with a longer-term view in mind. We also need to go in with humility, realizing we don't know the history, we don't and probably won't ever have all the answers, and that whatever we do, we don't want to make things worse for the people we want to serve.

I'm praying for wisdom, humility, compassion and an openness to learn for us, and a way through the current crisis for the Haitians.

Global Poverty Initiative

2008-04-09T08:27:00.001-07:00

Next weekend in Boston, the Global Poverty Initiative at MIT is hosting a huge thing with bands, lectures, concerts, and films all related to alleviating poverty from all sorts of dimensions. The website is http://gpi.mit.edu. Hope to see you there!

Missing the old...

2008-04-08T12:46:00.000-07:00

I got an email from a friend in Slovakia. He got married back in March and was sending along the pictures from his wedding, as well as an update about what he and his lovely bride are up to.

I met up with a friend last night to discuss where we are as a church in terms of short term missions trips and next steps to establishing direction and policy. She asked where I am in terms of pursuing my desires to be part of Eastern Europe. To be honest, I'm stuck.

I love Eastern Europe. My friend in Slovakia was one of many folks I met on a trip to Romania almost 10 years ago now, and it's really great that we're still in touch. Because I've lived in and traveled around Europe for many years, I have other friends I'm trying to keep up with. I feel alive in ways I don't living here in the States.

At the same time, one of the things my church is trying to encourage is embracing other cultures and learning from them. As much as I'm multiculturally attuned in Europe, going to Haiti has far expanded my understanding of who people are and how God lives among them. I had no idea how limited my understanding of God and culture actually was!

So, I'm stuck. I love Europe. I love many things about Europe. Always have, always will. But I'm starting to love the rest of the world too. I'm intrigued by the culture of Haiti and want to understand it through experience. I would love to branch out from there and visit other parts of the world (Indiana Jones ain't my hero just for nothing!).

I will always miss Europe. But here's to new adventures in the bigger, broader world...

Cultural differences

2008-03-07T08:41:00.000-08:00

So, we've been trying to have a meeting just to start the process of working out what we're going to do and when. It's a testimony to the difference in approach of two different cultures that we have yet to actually meet, yet also a testimony to the possibilities of adaptability for all involved that I'm not jumping out of my skull at people just yet, and we have a tentative schedule in hand. Woo-hoo!

Since I come from more of a Northern European mindset (my dad insists that you're late if you're not there a half hour ahead of time), navigating the nuances of an event-oriented culture and not losing it has been ... interesting. I like to have information in hand so I can make decisions and improvise based on what I know, but my experience with Haiti has been of just going with whatever presents itself at the moment. It's really forced me to value the process (and the people involved) rather than just getting there, and to let go of what I think is needed. It's also given me great stories that will someday end up in a book (like how we crossed the border from the Dominican Republic into Haiti). Life's really more interesting this way, even if it causes heart palpatations!

Off to try and schedule that meeting...

It'll be...just like starting over

2008-03-06T10:20:00.000-08:00

No apologies for abruptly dropping off the face of the earth yet again...only moving forward.

I met with a few people in our church who are interested in what I call "full-bodied" missions - serving a community from an equal footing perspective, and meeting all kinds of needs, not just spiritual- and it looks like we're back on for going to Haiti. One of the men in our church is Haitian, and his father is pastor of a growing community somewhere near Port-au-Prince. It looks like a group of us will be going together to participate in training and other activities. Don't know too much more than that, but it's good to have more people on board. It doesn't look like we're going to go back to Pardieu, though.

We'll meet up again on the 16th to start fleshing out what this looks like.

Let's Start At the Very Beginning...

2007-10-26T12:15:00.000-07:00

Originally, this was going to be a blog chronicling my ventures into a "new" way of thinking about missions, namely, making a trip accessible to virtually anybody connected to our church, whether they had been following Jesus for a long time or if they were on the fringes of just starting to think about how they actually felt about faith. Then life got busy, the trip got going, and before I knew it, three months have passed and no posts! I will write about the whole experience and how we're moving forward with it, along with other thoughts, ideas, hopes, etc. for loving the world in an authentic holistic way.

Stay tuned...