GAH!

The older I get, the less GAH moments there are for me to experience. YET, I'm always having to bite my tongue because there's ALWAYS something that comes up, out from left field and behind the Green Monster (so to speak).



I led worship for the Leaders' meeting a few Saturdays ago. That doesn't sound so intimidating, but I was asked the night before, and I've never done it on my own, and haven't played keyboard in about a month, so...GAH! I'm still working out singing and playing at the same time. I still feel like a third string player on a roster of A-listers in terms of the talent we've got musically in our church. And, yes, I get performance anxiety. No matter how much is said about vulnerability in worship, and just making a joyful noise, I'm still aware that I'm in the midst of people who have professional-level skills and training, and here am I in the midst of them.

Dave did talk about going to a worship leaders' gathering in Zurich and talked about how powerful worship was, as it was coming out of a place of firm faith in the midst of incredibly challenging circumstances. It reminded me of my last year in Poland, when in the midst of all the family chaos and strife, and having to make difficult decisions, I still had to lead worship for our church. It was more about choosing to believe God was all the things I was singing about and standing in that, and it was pretty powerful for me (and, I later heard from those in the church, for them as well).

I'm still working on not feeling like I always have to pretend to have it all together, both in worship leading as well as in most things I do. This season seems to be about feeling the strength of God as I do things I'm not always comfortable with, or stepping off the ledge (like in Indiana Jones) and trusting that there's a walkway underneath me to carry me over.