Upping the Ante

Small group's been going, well, going.  We've had a lot of good conversations around money and poverty and loving the poor through our lifestyles and our choices.  We've knit and crocheted (or tried to knit and crochet) for homeless teens in Somerville and Cambridge.  And we're starting to plan our trip to Haiti in earnest.

Here's what I'm finding out about myself:

• I know a lot less about all of this stuff than I thought or imagined.
• It's HAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDDDD to put the warm, fuzzy ideas of how to live more in line with these thoughts and teachings.  That goes hand in hand with my desire for there to be a magic button for me to push and all of my personal life's difficulties, perceived or true, to make everything right.
• There are people far more motivated than me in my small group who continuously kick my butt in terms of how long, how deep and how broad they've already been thinking about these issues, and what they've done in response.  And it's hard to stay a step or two ahead of them in terms of prep and leading.  And that can be hard to come to terms with.
• I'm being shown a lot of grace by said people.  For the first time in a while, I feel like I'm in a group of "equals", in that we're all kicking each other's butt and pushing each other toward bigger and better things.

And they showed me lots o' love on Tuesday (my, cough, cough, 41st birthday).  I was having a sorta crappy day/week, and they turned it into a low-key love fest.  Since birthdays are hugely important to me, and I was feeling all sorts of put-out that I had to work and lead a small group, their love for me in those 2 hours really soothed my soul in a huge way.

We're ending our discussions and time with Lazarus at the Gate soon.  We've been researching organizations that do all sorts of work, and forming a good blueprint in terms of what to think about.  Again, butt being kicked, but I feel like that's a very helpful thing.  I'm liking the framework others are setting up in terms of how to do research and what to look for.  I need to redo my own research, but am grateful for all the growing that's happening.  Soon we'll be on to trip planning and Heroic Leadership-ing.

Awesome...