Love, grace and identity

We had taken a break in our group last week.  One woman was preparing for a relative's funeral (one who shouldn't have died); a man had suffered the deaths of two friends in the space of a week; another woman's coworker just discovered her daughter had the most aggressive form of leukemia there is and would be facing over a year in chemo, with little guarantee of a successful outcome. 

Others brought heavy hearts over other stuff happening in their lives.  So we took a breath and prayed and worshipped, setting aside the agenda for the evening.

This week, others were sick, others didn't show, and we were left with three.  We've been delaying our budget conversation so that all could be there, and we could expose this often very private part of our lives to everyone, and experience grace.  The three of us motored on, and were touched, saddened and encouraged by God's work in our lives despite bad decisions, even worse circumstances, and whatever the economy and the enemy had to throw at us.

I came home and decided to watch at least a part of Glee.  The main storyline was about Kurt, an openly gay student, and the hardship he faces due to bullying.  Yet the story ballooned out, and before I knew it, it was about how we all yearn for love and acceptance.  Kurt is stunned by an unexpected kiss at one point; he says, "I've never been kissed; not, at least, on purpose like that."  Another character spoke of the loneliness of following the path she felt she was uniquely gifted to go on, yet how challenging it was to find a man to share her journey. 

Each story, ours in the group included, had someone who came alongside the character, offering hope, encouragement, and, beyond all else, connection. 

Above all else, those are things I really long for in my own life, and in our group.  May it be so...

And there it is...

We met again last night (as Tuesday night-meeting groups tend to do).  I wasn't sure how this week was going to go, since we were having a money/budget talk.  Things tend to get touchy when you go into the realm of finances, as has been told to me by several people in advance of this week.  And since we were missing people last week, I wasn't sure if we'd be playing to a full-ish house or if we were already experiencing attrition that would continue until it was just Sheila and me holding the tatters of what was once a promising group.

But then, people showed up: the faithful core I was sure would come.  And, later, those I thought had given up on us.  What was even more amazing was what some members were going through and STILL they came.  One member had a friend who was literally on her deathbed (he got the call that they were about to take her off lifesupport that night).  Another had a family member shot and killed over the weekend.  And I had my first first-hand experience of being with people who could give me insights into the differences between what TV reports as news and what real life looks like.  No easy answers, just a lot of pain, and a better glimpse at issues I've only dealt with in passing.  It truly felt sacred, in that God was there and He was opening my eyes and our hearts to step into that gap of being with our friends and praying through something that was truly foreign to many of us and our experience.  A foretaste, I think, of the journey to come.

One of the words I heard from God when Sheila and I were initially praying for this group was "Band of Brothers" (like the HBO miniseries by Stephen Spielberg and Tom Hanks).  They bonded over and through battles and being with each other in the midst of whatever was flung their way. 

The challenge and invitation is to step in and not draw back, and to be present, truly present.

May it be so...

Peace...

Life has been amazing recently. We had a big weekend for choir and vocal core, and I was leading the rehearsals and (technically) the performances on Sunday. I can get pretty frazzled about that, but it felt challenging yet good at the same time.

There have been some scheduling pileups as well, with no way of getting everything done and done well. Dinners, cat-sitting, and (today) counseling while catsitting and not having my Zipcard....and yet, I've been pretty calm, not fretful when I would normally be that way, not resentful when people don't come through as I want or need or expect them to, and even a bit happy and compassionate in the process. WTF?!?!?

I think someone's praying for me...

And my small group is. Someone's word for me this week was that Joy, peace and love were my inheritance. Word...

Frosty the Snowman...

So, it was my turn to be prayed for in terms of a superhero identity this past week. Hurrah! Since it was such a great week last week, I really expected the moon. We were missing some folks, though, and it seemed everyone (including me) was fighting something- distractions for sure. What struck me was Sheila's picture for me, which was Frosty the Snowman. Her sense was that God was saying that, like Frosty, there was something in me that made me approachable (I'm guessing a jolly, happy soul), and that, also like Frosty, I was adaptable regardless of the format. Makes me giggly to think that so far God has called me out as a cartoon character (Jolly Green Giant being the other one) in terms of a superhero, and that both are happy and big, one way or another.

We started the Lazarus material as well, and I felt like I was talking in circles. Probably was. We had some good sharing about our money stories, and it was great to hear people's miracle stories as well- Chacha getting a reduced payment on her loans because she's supporting 9 people in the DR and Haiti; Manny and his "lottery ticket" gifting; and Sara with her odd job blessing that's helping her make ends meet. Sheila warned me before we started that this can be a particularly tricky subject for people to talk about, and I'm definitely feeling it to be true for me. We'll see how people do in the coming weeks.

It's still fun, and now we're getting into the hard stuff.

Supernatural Heroes

Week 4: we found an old poster that Kids' Church made. It's of a "Supergirl", with the title, "Supernatural Heroes!" We're SO adopting that for our group.

10 people showed up. 10! It's been years since I've been part of a group that big! Not that size matters, but it's one of many things telling us that what we're doing is something important and something that other people want to sign on for. Chacha recruited most of the group from the Haiti Team, but it's also cool to see how they're trying to set time aside to do this (two are coming straight from a Zumba class).

We continued to pray about each other's superhero identity, and more fun stuff is coming up. Really deep revelations about people and how God sees them. What's even better is the depth of what's being shared, as well as the "confirmation" of it through multiple people having similar senses of what God is saying about that person. There's a strong sense of God in each meeting so far, and I felt my own spiritual butt get kicked a bit as Manny shared what God's been doing in him in general, something along the lines of I have so much more to be vulnerable to God in order to do some of the hard-core stuff He may be calling me to (but for sure is inviting others into). Some new nicknames: The Compassionator; Flash; Oak Tree/Rainbow; Torch/Firefly...

We have two more to pray for, and we're starting the "Lazarus at the Gate" materials, too. I'm really excited!

Three weeks and all is well

It sounds cliche but it's been really fun and exciting to see the small group take off. It's not growing astronomically, numbers-wise, but I'm having fun each time I talk with Sheila and we ponder the shape of things.

We wanted to frame the small group around two things specifically: the Boston Faith and Justice Network's curriculum, Lazarus at the Gate, which takes a 12-week look at wealth being a blessing, and how we can order our lives to free up resources to bless others. It's not meant to make anyone feel guilty about how much they have, but it provides a vehicle through which we can see what else we can do in order to be a blessing to others and seek economic justice.

The other pole was a trip to Haiti. Helping our church establish a meaningful connection to Haiti is something I've been working on for a few years now. As a church, we also want to partner with friends in Liberia and the Middle East. What we've noticed is we have high-faith opportunities for trips, but nothing for people just getting their feet wet. The trip we'll take is with Beyond Borders, which focuses on community-development issues (not just poverty-reduction, but overarching social issues). They sponsor Transformational Travel, which is an invitation to live among the community for an extended time and "sit and see" what poverty looks like, encouraging relationships, and seeing before acting.

Overall, we're setting this in the context of Heroic Leadership, a book by Chris Lowney, a former Jesuit priest who wrote about the leadership principles of the Jesuits and how they can translate into successful ventures today.

An odd mix of things, but it's been pretty fun and eye-opening. We spent time this week asking God about each of our heroic identities. So far, we've got a Freedom Fighter, Dragon Slayer, and a Captain. Three more are up to bat this coming Tuesday, and I'm excited to see what else God puts in our midst.

GAH!

The older I get, the less GAH moments there are for me to experience. YET, I'm always having to bite my tongue because there's ALWAYS something that comes up, out from left field and behind the Green Monster (so to speak).



I led worship for the Leaders' meeting a few Saturdays ago. That doesn't sound so intimidating, but I was asked the night before, and I've never done it on my own, and haven't played keyboard in about a month, so...GAH! I'm still working out singing and playing at the same time. I still feel like a third string player on a roster of A-listers in terms of the talent we've got musically in our church. And, yes, I get performance anxiety. No matter how much is said about vulnerability in worship, and just making a joyful noise, I'm still aware that I'm in the midst of people who have professional-level skills and training, and here am I in the midst of them.

Dave did talk about going to a worship leaders' gathering in Zurich and talked about how powerful worship was, as it was coming out of a place of firm faith in the midst of incredibly challenging circumstances. It reminded me of my last year in Poland, when in the midst of all the family chaos and strife, and having to make difficult decisions, I still had to lead worship for our church. It was more about choosing to believe God was all the things I was singing about and standing in that, and it was pretty powerful for me (and, I later heard from those in the church, for them as well).

I'm still working on not feeling like I always have to pretend to have it all together, both in worship leading as well as in most things I do. This season seems to be about feeling the strength of God as I do things I'm not always comfortable with, or stepping off the ledge (like in Indiana Jones) and trusting that there's a walkway underneath me to carry me over.